“Hitler Will Be Black” Confirms EA, Leaving Fans Not Sure If They Should Be Angry Or Not

The world of military shooter games has a surprising amount of depth. Despite the fact that they release year after year with relatively little changed, a growing schism has formed among the fans. Like seemingly every other facet of games, there are people that care about the important stuff like how fun and inclusive a game is.

And then there’s the racist, homophobic “gamer” types that get hung up on little details like “historical accuracy” or “whether a character is male or female and also gay at the same time” or “whether a character has a penis or not“.

EA, a company that cares about the fans, has decided that they’re going to align with the real gamers, and are making their latest installment in the Battlefield franchise completely accessible to every demographic.

While the last installment, Battlefield 1, was highly praised for sticking to historical accuracy while still trying to make the game fun, Battlefield V takes the fight to World War II and will make many more sacrifices for the price of fun. Including what’s been pissing gamers off the most, having female characters playable. Women of color, women with disabilities, and women that identify as other genders and sexualities will all be playable, with an entire customizable gender gradient wheel allowing you to fine-tune what you identify as with a degree of precision never before seen in a video game.

But it doesn’t stop there. EA has said during their E3 presentation for Battlefield V and the following interviews, they’re not looking to do a simple retelling of World War II. No, they’re looking to do something better, and go bigger than they ever have. And that’s why they’re making Hitler black.

Yes, that’s right. Hitler, the leader of Nazi Germany, will be black. Voiced by Terry Crews, DICE’s new take on Hitler will see him much more proactive in the war. Black Hitler will wear a mech suit, similar to those seen in Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, and will appear on the battlefield during online matches similar to Star Wars Battefront’s “Hero” characters.

Black Hitler

The gross butchering of the history books has had many gamers up in arms, but many are actually okay with this, to a degree.

“Nazis are supposed to be white. It’s so stupid that they made them black. But you know, they’re the bad guys anyway, aren’t they? I can get behind shooting women and minorities.” Said one anonymous reddit user by the name of “u/BonerMaster5000”. Another reddit user, by the name of u/chwiefqweef69 commented below that with “So I can still play as a white male character if I want, and I get to shoot women? That’s genius. Finally, I can give those bitches what they deserve. This completely makes up for never going to prom.”

Black Hitler will be joining Gay Indian Stalin and Lesbian Mussolini in rainbow BDSM gear as three of the first playable “Hero” characters, with Gay Muslim Winston Churchill coming as part of the first expansion in early 2019.

Battlefield V is set to release October 11th, 2018 for PS4, Xbox One, and PC. There is no word yet on which genders or sexualities will be pre-order bonus only, but all will be unlockable in-game.

Super Mario Party For Switch Will Come With A Loaded Handgun

The Nintendo Switch, right out the gate, had quite a few heavy hitters. The Legend of Zelda, Super Mario, and even a major RPG like Xenoblade Chronicles. But for a party console, not enough great multiplayer games have hit. Honestly, Super Smash Bros and Mario Party should have been some of the first titles to hit the system.

They’re rectifying both of those matters now, however. Super Smash Bros was announced a while back, and we all knew it was coming at the very least. They didn’t confirm who would be, and who wouldn’t be making the cut until E3. But that wasn’t the only big party game surprise to come out of Nintendo. They’d been working on a new Mario Party all this time.

A new Mario Party game is in the works for Nintendo Switch, and this one looks to finally be what everyone has wanted all along. None of those stupid cars, none of that working together bullshit, we’re back to classic Mario Party Star-collecting anarchy. Players will be able to connect multiple Switch consoles, or play all on the same console in hectic, free-for-all board game madness. Just as Mario Party was always supposed to be.

Nintendo made the original changes in Mario Party 9 and then 10, strictly because they felt Mario Party was becoming too competitive. Mario Party was never meant to be an “eSport” like Street Fighter or League of Legends. And while the fans just kept finding new ways to exploit the Mario Party formula to make things more and more “hardcore”, Nintendo wanted to make things accessible again.

This returning to the roots of Mario Party is a concession on Nintendo’s part, but it doesn’t mean they’ve given up on making sure Mario Party is a game for everyone. No, they’ve just found a new way to keep the balance. One they feel will keep players on their toes.

Who's got the star now, bitch?

Super Mario Party will come with a fully loaded gun. Don’t worry, the safety will be on, so it’s still gonna be rated “E for Everyone”.

Once players have gotten considerably invested into a game of Mario Party, after a few Stars and Coins have been alloted, Bowser spaces around the board will start offering players “Chance Time”. This is where the game will really take advantage of all the Switch’s unique features. The new wireless “Loaded Gun” controller, with actual bullets inside, will then unlock once “Chance Time” has been activated.

Players will have several unique mini-games to play during Chance Time, including a game of “Bowser’s Russian Roulette”. The “Bowser” player will hold the gun, and the other three will have to sit on their knees with their heads down, execution style. You won’t know who you’re shooting though, as they’ll be wearing their masks. One Goomba, one Koopa, and one Cheep Cheep. If you’re not careful, you might just shoot someone with no stars, haha. But don’t worry, Chance Time will only be granted to whoever is in last place, so you’ll only ever be shooting someone richer than you. This is important for game balance.

Eat the rich

Players with more Stars and Coins will come under attack during Chance Time considerably more often, including the “Bowser’s Crazy Eat The Rich Party”, which will prompt all of the players that aren’t in the lead to hunt down and shoot whoever is in first place. Whoever can consume the most of their flesh will be awarded an equal share of the player’s loot as the other players. After all, it’s only fair that every player get a share.

During the last ten turns of any match, the gun will also unlock at random. Listening for that silent little click will be pivotal to being the first person to grab it and take out the competition. Careful you don’t underestimate whoever is in the lead, they can still grab the gun if you’re not paying attention.

Critics have applauded Nintendo for finally listening to fan feedback, and also finding an intuitive and fun way to incorporate more checks and balances into the Mario Party formula to make things fun for everyone. You never know who will win a game of Super Mario Party anymore. One bullet could change the game. Forever.

Super Mario Party is currently dated for October 5th, 2018. A 3DS version is not currently in the works. There is no word yet on if extra guns or bullets will be sold separately.

Assassin’s Creed Odyssey To Have Incest, Bestiality Romance Options For “Perfect Historical Accuracy” Says Ubisoft

The Assassin’s Creed games have been mainstays at E3 for years, much like the usual Madden, FIFA, Call of Duty, and Battlefield games. After a case of Assassin’s Creed burnout though, the franchise took a break, and then came back last year with Assassin’s Creed Origins. The title completely revamped the stale series, a departure from the established norm, and left fans wondering how the next one would shake things up.

We weren’t quite sure what to expect at this year’s E3, whether Origins had sold well enough for them to consider another sequel right away or not, or if they’d take another drastic step to shake up the formula. There were a few purported leaks, but it wasn’t until E3 that we got to really see the next big step for Assassin’s Creed.

Assassin’s Creed Odyssey aims to bridge the gap between open-world adventure and RPG to an even greater extent. Taking place in ancient Greece, Odyssey will feel almost like a Bioware game in the depth of roleplaying it will allow. For the first time ever, you actually get to choose the character you play as, between a male and female character.

The boats are coming back in a big way, as one would expect for a Greek setting, and many facets of the “new” Assassin’s Creed formula from Origins have been improved, tweaked, and built-upon. Combat will be similar to Origins, and stealth will be making a comeback.

Most notably of all, however, is Ubisoft’s push to add more dialogue options and social roleplaying elements. You will be able to reply to people in different ways, with branching dialogue. You can lie to people, you can flirt with people, you can even romance people.

Gay

The romance options, in order to be authentic to ancient Greece, will not have any sort of “orientation boundaries”. As any scholarly historian can tell you, ancient Greece was full of homosexuality. Spartan troops would often have younger male attendants they would sodomize. Guys would just kinda stick it in each other’s butts all the time. It was no big deal at all, perfectly natural. Just a couple men, dicking it up, all manly-like. There was nothing weird about it at all.

But the sexual debauchery doesn’t even end there. Ubisoft is digging deeper into the complex sexual psychology of the Greco-Roman era. Anyone fluent on Greek history, mythology, theater, and literature should know that the Greeks were into a lot of weird stuff. There’s the classic story of Oedipus, there’s quite a few myths and legends involving Zeus transforming into animals or impregnating animals, quite a bit of rape and adultery, and a lot of vore. Yeah, lot of just eating people. Swallowing them whole, and then vomiting them up again.

According to a developer panel at E3, Ubisoft wants to capture a “true tale of the Greco-Roman era” with Odyssey. And they’re not gonna tiptoe around any of the controversial stuff. That’s right.

This is relevant to my interests

Assassin’s Creed Odyssey will be the first game in the franchise to offer not just openly incestuous romance options, but bestial ones as well. Ubisoft has had their development team carefully studying Greek literature, art, and sculptures for historical accuracy. Bulls, swans, goats, eagles, and more will all be potential romantic partners. And much like the human ones, these saucy creatures won’t discriminate based on gender. Both the male and female characters will be allowed to pursue the beasts of their choosing.

Similar to the hunting aspects in past games, different animals will populate the map. While killing them for food or materials is still an option, they can now be fed, tamed, seduced, and fucked. In addition to these bestial lovers, players will be able to romance their own fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, and any assorted extended family members they may find. Occasionally, players will need to kill the immediate spouse in order for the romance options to open up, but it’s not always required.

And while players can marry in-game, marriages aren’t necessarily the end of one’s romantic adventures. There’s no limit to the amount of spouses or romantic partners one may have, though not every partner will be as okay with it as you are. As of now, there are no confirmed rape or vore romance options, but Ubisoft did confirm that it was possible to be eaten by cannibals if one ventures far enough. They do not consume the player whole, and it will result in a game over.

Hot

As one Ubisoft rep put it during the interviews, “Ancient Greece was fucking wack, dude. They were fucking everything back then, they didn’t give a shit.”

However, their boldness in sticking to historical accuracy has definitely ruffled some feathers. And not just from the swans you’ll be fucking. Such a blatantly extreme move has people asking, is this really okay to put in a video game? Isn’t this illegal, or at the very least immoral? Should video games be able to legally explore something as extreme as zoophilia or incest? Would the game still retain its M rating from the ESRB, or would they need to give it an AO rating?

When we reached out, Ubisoft wouldn’t give us much clarification. The official statement I was given was “We are currently talking this over with lawmakers. This is not the first time extreme lengths were taken for historical accuracy, and we will reserve our right to express our artistic freedom. Would you like to see the bull fucking trailer in the meantime? It’s an hour long.”

Assassin’s Creed Odyssey is currently dated for October 5th and will be coming to Xbox One, PS4, and PC. It remains to be seen how this bold, progressive take on in-game romance will pan out. But I must say, the bull fucking trailer was really, really well done.

“Ivy Is Now A Male” Bandai Namco’s Decision After SoulCalibur E3 Backlash Stirs More Controversy

Women have been taking the spotlight in games much more frequently as of late, something made incredibly obvious at this year’s E3. Women are no longer princesses to be saved, or trophies to be won. Women are gamers, and we are rising up to take what is ours. Women are now the stars of some of the biggest, and most hyped upcoming games.

Almost all of the typical big-budget, AAA games have female leads, or a female option for gamers to choose for their protagonist. Battlefield, Assassin’s Creed, even a massive console exclusive like The Last Of Us Part 2. Not only is Ellie a strong, independent female protagonist, she’s also very gay, making her not just a strong character, but the bravest and strongest. No character in the history of gaming has ever been that epic. Take that, Master Chief.

But not every developer has embraced the future of gaming. Not every publisher is looking out for the gamers. Some of them are still stuck in their old ways, like Bandai Namco. Their latest installment in the stale, not very fun SoulCalibur series looks to be as bland and tone-deaf as the last. And on top of it, they’re embracing it.

SoulCalibur has always had a problem with its portrayal of women. Always busty, or dressed in revealing outfits. Ninjas in skintight body suits, heroines in dainty, frilly skirts that always blow upwards to give the audience a peek. In an era long ago, this was a feature. Something to be celebrated, in a male-dominant industry. But now, in a time where women have reclaimed gaming, it just seems backwards and wrong. With many franchises learning to appeal to a more progressive audience, there were hopes Bandai Namco may do the same. But their E3 trailer, depicting the character “Ivy”, seems to have dashed those hopes.

Ivy has long been an object of controversy on the SoulCalibur roster, along with a slew of other suggestive, sexualized female characters. Ivy seems to be based off a dominatrix, with an impossibly large bust and exaggerated curves. Out of every character on the roster, she stands out the most. Busty ninjas and warriors in miniskirts are in poor taste, sure. But no other character has ever been as blatant of a sex symbol as Ivy. With her alone, any hopes the franchise might have of being a “legitimate fighting game” are dashed.

This body type is unnatural, ugly, and wrong.

The backlash Bandai Namco received for their toxic, unnatural, ugly, and misogynistic portrayal of women at E3 has evidently gotten to them, however, as they seem to have embraced a more progressive idea of the character.

According to series producer Motohiro Okubo, Ivy is now a male character. Nothing else has changed. The character’s design, the character’s outfit, nothing has changed. His name is still Ivy Valentine, and he still fights with a whip sword. But Ivy is now a guy.

When asked to elaborate on the sudden shift, Okubo simply gestured to Ivy’s new character model and promotional art seen below, and reiterated that Ivy is now a male character.

Much better

The simplistic response to the controversy has baffled people on every side. At first there were some people voicing concerns that they hadn’t actually changed anything at all. After all, all Bandai Namco really did was change every instance of “she” and “her” in Ivy’s profile and dialogue to “he” and “him”. But Okubo has stuck to his guns, and stated that Ivy is now a male character. Nothing else needed to be changed.

Critics and journalists are hailing the move as one of the most ingenious and progressive moves by a developer ever. The industry hasn’t seen this level of progress since Sony confirmed Ellie was gay in The Last Of Us: Left Behind, or since Nintendo confirmed Ness was in fact Sans. Bandai Namco seems to have single-handedly sent ripples through the entire industry.

And the oddest part of it all is, there doesn’t seem to be anyone at all upset by this. Even critics of the industry’s seemingly “progressive agenda” that want to see less shoehorning of diversity into video games, they all love this change. This seems to be the first time, in video game history, that any action by any developer simply made everyone genuinely happy. It’s literally unheard of. Industry analysts will certainly be studying this move for years to come in their approaches to PR.

SoulCalibur VI is currently set to come out on PS4, Xbox One, and PC on October 19th. No other characters as of yet have been confirmed to have penises.

Waluigi Confirmed For Erectile Dysfunction

When Nintendo announced that the newest installment in the Super Smash Bros series would be at E3, there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that their entire conference would revolve around it. Super Smash Bros is, arguably, one of their biggest games.

There were a lot of questions leading up to it, whether it would be a port or a completely new game, who would be in it, and the like. And now we’ve finally got all the answers we needed. Whether they’re answers we wanted to hear or not.

It’s, allegedly, a new game. New mechanics will make the game more hectic than ever, new animations will bring the characters to life like never before, and every character from past Smash games will be returning. Princess Daisy from the Super Mario series has been confirmed as playable, as has Ridley from the Metroid series at long last.

But one character was notably missing, arguably one of Nintendo’s most popular characters.

Waluigi, the brotherly counterpart to Wario and evil doppelganger to Mario’s brother Luigi, is notably absent from the character roster. In fact, he’s still an assist trophy. While the purple plumber(?) has been the star of countless Mario Party and sports spin-offs, he’s still yet to receive the respect he deserves in the most hallowed of Nintendo franchises. And the fans are not happy about this.

The outpouring of support in favor of adding Waluigi to Smash ever since the announcement has grown to a fever pitch. And Nintendo has heard all of our voices. But at this point, it’s too late to add Waluigi into Smash. The development is too far along. So instead, they’re gonna make him the star of their latest partnership.

Waahaahaa

Nintendo has been courting a deal with Pfizer Inc., the pharmaceutical company behind the popular drug Viagra, and the talks have just conveniently come to a head. While Pfizer was interested in using a popular Nintendo character to market their drug in their latest ad campaign, Nintendo was hesitant to use one of their company faces like Super Mario or Pikachu. Talks were straying towards Captain Olimar of the acclaimed Pikmin series, but Pfizer had concerns over whether he would be a good fit.

But with all of this rabid support of Waluigi, Nintendo has finally made a decision, and signed the purple ne’er-do-well onto a five-year contract with Pfizer. Nintendo has issued a statement both on their website and during their showing of Mario Tennis Aces at the Nintendo Treehouse Live event at E3, confirming Waluigi as Nintendo’s very first ever character to canonically suffer from erectile dysfunction.

The official statement, according to Nintendo’s very own Reggie, reads: “Waluigi is a frequent user of VIAGRA® (sildenafil citrate). While he suffers from erectile dysfunction, a very common issue that affects up to 52% of men, he is still able to get and maintain an erection for a healthy and happy sex life thanks to VIAGRA® (sildenafil citrate). Now, Waluigi can smash those balls on and off the tennis court. Viva, Viagra!”

Waaaaa

As part of this new partnership, free DLC will be available at launch for Mario Tennis Aces, giving Waluigi Viagra-branded tennis gear. Similar to Nintendo’s Mario Kart partnership with Mercedes-Benz. Mario Tennis Aces is currently slated for June 22nd. Super Smash Bros Ultimate, which Waluigi will not be made playable in, is dated for December 7th.

Nintendo’s stock prices, unfortunately, have plummeted, as all they get out of this partnership is a lifetime supply of Viagra. A deal that Reggie, in particular, was quite excited about. When questioned about how this deal will shape up for Nintendo going forward, the only comment he had to say on the matter was, “Now my body will always be ready”.

EPIC: Sony Wins E3 For Their Bravery In Being The Only Openly Gay Company

This E3 has been one of the worst, possibly in all history. Literally nothing good was shown, at all. As usual, it was nothing but a bunch of straight white guys on stage, showing off a bunch of tastelessly crude video games starring, but of course, straight white guys.

All of the biggest showings from Microsoft, Nintendo, Bethesda, all of it were just humdrum installments in their dull, played out franchises meant to appeal to overweight white men and their collective nostalgia for the “good ol’ days” when gaming was the safe haven for their wretched kind. Halo, Super Smash Brothers, Mario Party, all the typical dog-whistle games meant to invoke the imagery of a bunch of straight chubby white guys hanging out in a basement, talking about how much they hate women and minorities. Eating their Doritos, sipping their Mountain Dew.

But Sony took E3 by storm, and all it took was one single game. The Last Of Us, Part 2.

This was really all Sony had to show to win E3. And they knew that. That’s why this was all that they showed, besides Spiderman. They had to fill up the rest of the conference somehow.

The Last Of Us 2 looks to be better, bolder, and gayer than the first. This time Ellen’s gayness isn’t tucked away in some optional DLC, it’s right there, in all its glory, the centerpiece of the very trailer. Honestly, that was all I really needed to see to know Sony won E3 this year. I’m serious, after I saw that kiss I just stopped watching. The rest of it didn’t matter. She’s gay, The Last Of Us is gay, Sony is gay. Finally, there is some justice in the world.

Nuke all straights

I am so sick and tired of the games industry and all the stupid “gamers”, complaining about how “Sony didn’t show this” or “Sony should’ve shown that”. No one but Sony had the bravery to come forward and present their biggest character, in their biggest game, as openly gay. Master Chief is still just some pasty white guy in a suit with a floating blue unfair body standard for women as his companion, like usual.

Sony is the only company that really cares for us, the real gamers. They’re the only ones giving us what we really want. Female protagonists that are also gay. It doesn’t count if they’re straight, because then they’re just for men to objectify. Like fucking usual. I can only hope Sony runs every single other company out of business soon, so we can stop listening to these slack-jawed, cishet, white “gamer” men and what they want to see out of the next big video game. Games belong to us now, and we’re not giving them back.

It’s clear Sony won E3 this year, hands down. Maybe next year someone else will win, though I highly doubt it considering how misogynistic and straight male-centric this cursed industry is. Who knows, maybe they’ll make all romance options in Skyrim VI exclusively gay, or maybe they’ll finally reveal that Bowser is trans. Like it’s not inherently obvious, but they still refuse to comment on it. Of fucking course.

I hate video games so much.

GameStop To Call Literally Everyone For New Upcoming Battletoads Game

For the first time in over twenty years, Battletoads is getting a fresh installment. Microsoft announced today at their E3 conference that Battletoads would be coming back in a big way. The critically acclaimed series has lain dormant since the 90’s, save for a few guest appearances and Easter eggs here and there.

The newest installment will feature three player couch co-op and 4K, hand-drawn, 2.5D graphics. Pretty much what everyone’s wanted out of a modern Battletoads.

The internet is already abuzz with hype, and Microsoft isn’t going to let that hype die. Not when it’s the only thing they have going for them right now. They want Battletoads to be one of their new killer apps, and are gonna make sure there’s some strong marketing behind it. Which is why they’ve sought-out quite the unorthodox advertising partnership. GameStop.

Calling GameStop for Battletoads is a meme as old as le interwebz itself, dating back to the golden era of 2007 according to le epic meme historians at www.KnowYourMeme.com. But now le shoe is on le other foot. Oh, how le tables have le turned. Le epic style.

EPIC WIN

As part of a new viral marketing campaign spearheaded by Microsoft, GameStop will be calling every single number in its database at odd intervals for daily reminders to pre-order the new Battletoads game. There is no way to opt out of these phone calls, and they will most definitely come at the most inconvenient times. They will not stop dialing your number until you pick up, and when you do, you will be given a curt reminder to reserve Battletoads. Then they’ll hang up, and you won’t hear from them again for a good four or five hours. Then they’ll call again and repeat the process.

According to current GameStop CEO Daniel A. DeMatteo, this advertising campaign is “right in line with GameStop’s current business model”, and that they “look forward to pursuing more partnerships like this”. He closed the interview with a message to the gamers, saying “pre-order Battle Toad, gamers! Gamer up!”

Battletoads is currently slated for some time in 2019, meaning this will be a long year for anyone that’s ever shopped at GameStop. Remember, even if you don’t have their reward card, they still have your information in the system. You will be called. There is no escape.

New “Pokémon Go” Sequel For Switch Requires Children To Play In Street

We all knew it was coming, the new Pokémon game for the Switch has finally been revealed. While there were many theories of what the new region would be, how it would be different from past games, and if they’d change up the formula the way Zelda’s and Mario’s had been, as it turns out the only one that was somewhat on the right track was yours truly of course. Lord Waffle King Dot Com accurately predicted Pokemon having mandatory motion controls, as did we accurately predict a playable Funky Kong in the recent release of Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze. The only place for real, accurate game journalism these days.

Pokémon: Let’s Go, Pikachu! and Pokémon: Let’s Go, Eevee! are the newest installments in the franchise, taking place in the “Kanto” region, where the series first started way back in Pokémon Red and Pokémon Blue. While they’ll resemble mainline Pokémon games in many ways, they’re also being considered “spin-off titles”, as they’ll be different in a lot of ways.

Namely, how and where you’ll be playing them.

Let’s Go, Pikachu! and Let’s Go, Eevee! are more like sequels to Pokémon Go, mirroring a lot of the elements introduced in that game. The way Pokémon are captured, the “Combat Power” system, and the reliance on a GPS system. Much like Pokémon Go, you will only be able to find Pokémon while out and about, nothing will come to you while you’re sitting on the toilet. And for this game specifically, all Pokémon will only be found in, or close to busy intersections and hectic highways.

This new change is for “maximum immersion” so that trainers will be able to feel like real Pokémon trainers. Motion controls are also mandatory, either with a Joy-Con or with the new Pokéball controller. So the proper form for playing this game is to carry it around in handheld mode, one Joy-Con docked, one Joy-Con in your hand. Or both docked if you have the Pokéball. You would need to walk around in the street, whipping the ball or controller around, as if it was an invisible lasso in order to capture the Pokémon you see on your Switch screen.

Immersion

When asked about the inspiration behind this new feature, series director Junichi Masuda said “Well, I was online, looking through feedback for our last titles, Pokémon Ultra Sun and Pokémon Ultra Moon. There were some mixed views on many things, but what stood out to me most was all of the fan art. So much fan art. Please. These characters are eleven years old. I need to put a stop to this. If you are doing this, please, stop. I will not allow this to happen anymore. I will stop this. Pokémon are animals, they should not be doing these things with children. You will pay. You will all pay.”

Let’s Go, Pikachu! and Let’s Go, Eevee! are currently slated for a simultaneous international release on November 16, 2018. More details will most likely come to light during Nintendo’s E3 Nintendo Direct.

Playstation 4 At “End Of Lifecycle” Says CEO, As They Are Running Out Of Games To Remaster

The Playstation 4 has been the indisputable leader of this console generation, absolutely crushing the Xbox One right from the start and dominating the industry with unseen force. They’ve been pumping out quality title after quality title, and there really doesn’t seem to be any stopping the PS4 hype train. Or so it seemed, up until a recent investor meeting.

Sony may finally be running out of steam. At their annual “Investor Relations Day”, Playstation CEO John Podesta confirmed that the PS4 is nearing the “end of its lifecycle”. The issue? Their massive back catalog is starting to run dry.

The PS4’s biggest recent titles like Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy, Shadow of the Colossus, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim – Special Edition, Bulletstorm, and Final Fantasy Type-0 HD have all been huge sellers. The demand for HD versions of PS1, PS2, PS3, and PSP classics always seems to be through the roof. However, now that all of their major remasters are out of the way, what left is there to remaster? I mean, they already did Shadow of the Colossus. That’s already the best game they’ve ever made, what else can they possibly do to top that? Last of Us? They did that one already too.

What is

In their message to corporate investors, Podesta laid out their three-year plan for the PS4, leading up to their eventual release of the PS5. This year’s biggest release is already set to be a remastered collection of the Spyro games. From there, they will pick clean the rest of their library. Next year can be the Sly Cooper games, and after that maybe Jak and Daxter. For the big games, you know, the ones they’ll rely on as their big holiday titles. They’ll definitely throw in a few Killzone or inFamous games here and there during the early parts of the year. And then? On to PS5.

Little yet is known about the PS5, except for this single image they shared of Shadow of the Colossus running on it in Ultra 8K HD HDR 120FPS.

The image may look a little grainy on your screen, as there are not currently any monitors capable of putting out such graphics. But I can assure you, it blows the above image of PS4 Pro footage out of the water.

And what is to come

Podesta ended the conference with a look towards the future, promising that the PS5 would launch at the very least with “Last of Us Part 1 and 2 Complete HD Collection”, “Knack HD Trilogy”, and “Shadow of the Colossus HD: HD Remastered – HD Special Edition”.

While investors were a little shocked that Sony would put all their best cards on the table so early, Podesta assured them that they’ve got a few more cards up their sleeve now, as they’ve published maybe like two or three other original titles for the PS4 that they would love to bring to the PS5 at an undisclosed date.

I’m personally hoping it’s an HD remake of The Last Guardian.

Kendrick Lamar Kicks Out Fan At Concert For “Lewding His Waifu”

There was an uncomfortable interruption at the recent Kendrick Lamar concert in Alabama last night as a fan was booed off stage and booted from the concert grounds.

Kendrick Lamar was inviting fans from the audience to come up on stage to perform with him. Everyone was having a pretty good time. However, things got weird when a homely Caucasian woman was brought up onto the stage.

The woman, reportedly, hit it off quite well with Kendrick. She began to perform for him, however their relationship quickly turned sour when she expressed untoward interest towards Kendrick’s “waifu”.

No lewds

The woman allegedly said Kendrick’s favorite Japanese cartoon girl was “thicc” and that she needed “lewds” of her.

Kendrick immediately stopped the performance and sternly lectured her that she was his “waifu” and that she was for “headpats and wholesome cuddles only”. The crowd attempted to boo the woman off the stage, but Kendrick insisted that they give her one more chance. The performance seemed to be back on, but the woman promptly googled “Rule 34” of the aforementioned cartoon girl with the “NTR” tag. Kendrick had her escorted from the premise, saying the “N word” was not allowed at his concerts.

While many online have agreed with Kendrick on this bold decision, there’s been a surprising amount of backlash. One Twitter user “tweeted” saying “Rule 34 is a literal law of the internet, if there is a character there will be lewds of them. What did you expect?”

Wholesome

Many seem to agree that Kendrick is at least partially responsible for the debacle, both for inviting the crude woman up on stage and for having a “waifu” in the first place. One person on Twitter said “Kendrick doesn’t own her, he can’t stop people from doing as they please with her. People have the freedom to do whatever they want, this is America!”

Others feel that Kendrick should be able to have his pure, wholesome cartoon wife without others intruding on the sanctity of their relationship. Another said “Just because everyone is lewding this girl doesn’t mean it’s right. Everyone watches pornography but that’s still a sin and you’re all going to Hell.”

Kendrick has stuck by his decision on the matter, despite how controversial it has been. The cartoon girl in question has yet to respond to the controversy, most likely because she is not real and does not exist.