Critics Slam Trump For Welcoming Football Team With Halo 3 LAN Party Instead Of Halo 5 Multiplayer

There’s been a massive shitstorm surrounding Trump lately, like usual. It just never ends with him, honestly. The college football champions, the Clemson Tigers, were invited to the White House to celebrate their grand achievement, as is customary. However, thanks to the government shutdown, many things had to be scaled back for the momentous occasion.

While the epic feast was certainly pretty unepic, a great deal of scrutiny is being put on Trump for failing to even provide “competent entertainment”. While past presidents have often entertained celebrity guests in the White House, such as Obama inviting Beyonce to visit, Trump settled for something much more cost-effective. He bought several clunky, original model Xbox 360’s from GameStop, and several copies of Halo 3. Pre-owned, with his PowerUp Pro Rewards Card.

He renewed his card too

Reports say Trump renewed his card the day of the purchase in order to capitalize on the 10% discount, not even wanting to pay the full pre-owned price for the college athletes. Others say he renewed his card a few days prior, in order to use the buy 2 get 1 free coupon that he gets after renewing. Giving out hard-working students things he acquired for free.

But what’s getting the most flak is that Trump thought a Halo 3 LAN Party would be enough for our heroes. Couldn’t he even afford to buy Xbox Ones to play the latest Halo installment? Is Trump’s Xbox Live Gold part of the shutdown? Do we not have enough government funding to play online? And why would he be using the government’s money anyway? Our taxpayer dollars shouldn’t be going towards his free “Games with Gold”.

Critics all seem to agree, this was a bad move on Trump’s part. Disrespectful, dishonorable, and straight-up insulting. Yet another terrible move on Trump’s part, and I don’t think he’ll ever recover from this. He’ll be impeached after this one for sure.

Blizzard Confirms Overwatch Has No Toilets

Ever since Overwatch first released, Blizzard has let loose a steady drip of lore from the enigmatic universe. They’re like, superheroes, but like there was an evil group within them? And like, the edgy school shooter kid with the skeleton mask is like the bad guy, but he used to be a good guy? I dunno, it gets a little heavy at some points.

But Overwatch fans absolutely love it. They’ve been suckling at Blizzard’s teet for that sweet, creamy lore, whatever they can get. The community is always abuzz with fan theories, conspiracies, and lots of porn. And they’ve just been given a new tidbit to chew on. Not a new character to create porn of, but the next best thing.

Blizzard has confirmed that the world of Overwatch has no toilets.

Braaap

Yes, straight from the desk of Overwatch director Jeff Kaplan, all Overwatch characters urinate and/or defecate at will wherever and whenever they want. There are no toilets anymore, a relic of an ancient age when people actually spent time going to the bathroom. Can you imagine how much time you waste just sitting on the toilet? But no more, not in the world of Overwatch.

Advanced tech like what their suits use is present in many of the heroes’ designs. Symmetra can teleport, Tracer can go back in time. Space and time are nothing to them. Like soft, pliable, moist brown logs against the force of a poop knife. Those feces stand no chance. The Overwatch Twitter account even goes so far as to insinuate that your characters actually poop during the gameplay. While you’re playing. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Widowmaker’s toned purple ass, pushing out a few hot turds into her tight catsuit. And by the power of the future, her cheeks are clean once more.

Very interesting lore development from the team at Blizzard. This will definitely add much to the online discourse between fans. We can only wait with bated breath until the next little tidbit of lore gets squeezed out.