Game of Thrones Author George R. R. Martin Says Waluigi Was Always Meant To Sit On The Iron Throne

Game of Thrones has finally ended, with a finale that’s left fans all over divided. Very few could have seen that last episode coming, and very few would have guessed that it would go out the way it did.

Many expected the series to go out with a bang, but it settled for more of a soft, moist plop. Some are happy with the outcome, many wish that it had gone differently. But the original author, George R. R. Martin, says that it’s not even close to the ending he’d envisioned.

“Why do you think it’s even called Westeros? Why do you think the primary antagonist was the Walkers? The Night King was the spirit of Waluigi, the true protagonist of the story. All of Westeros were the villains, the corrupt and greedy humans that had stolen his land away from him. His destiny was to reclaim what was his. All of Waaahsteros.”

King of the Waaahkers

George R. R. Martin went on to insist that the books hinted at it from the very beginning. Bran Stark was the true villain all along, capable of seeing the future, and aiming to topple the kingdoms and bring them under his rule. The Night King, Waluigi, was attempting to save his people and reclaim his throne by taking him out. The Waaahkers, his loyal followers that gave their lives for him, were never the villains.

Sure, killing and eating people might be wrong. But what’s more wrong, killing and eating people, or fucking and impregnating your sister? What\’s more wrong, killing and eating people, or burning your child alive? What’s more wrong, killing and eating people, or being a feminist? Game of Thrones has always been about which character one hates the least, not lovable characters. Waluigi and his followers are flawed, but they are the best fit for the throne.

Martin, while disappointed over the ending, is not losing sleep. He’s got several other projects underway at HBO, and is confident in his newest series, A Dance Of Fire And Crash Bandicoot.

HBO has confirmed, Crash Bandicoot will not be appearing in the TV adaptation, despite being on the cover of the novel.

Toadsworth Allows Princess To Be Kidnapped To Distract Kingdom Populace From Impending Invasion Of Iran

The Mushroom Kingdom has been in an uproar because of yet another high-ranking blunder on account of their military force.

Once again, Bowser’s forces have seemed to slip through without a hitch to abduct the fair princess and hold the government hostage. The two nations, which have been at perpetual war, have had many an altercation like this. Naturally, the nation’s heroes will rise up to save the day.

At least, that’s the narrative they want you to believe, says one ex-Mushroom Kingdom insider.

Anonymous for their safety

A former aid of the royal family, whom we’ve opted to keep anonymous for their own safety, has come forward to reveal the true nature of this ordeal, which is supposedly a planned move.

Toadsworth, right-hand to the royal family, has watched over generation after generation of the great monarchy. And in that time, he’s grown to be a terrifyingly powerful figure behind the scenes.

Princess Peach was allowed to be kidnapped, unbeknownst to her, so that while she’s away and the kingdom is in panic, Toadsworth may rally the Mushroom Kingdom forces and invade Iran on behalf of their close ally Israel. Toadsworth has been accepting money from an Israeli special interest group for years, and will go to any lengths to see their agendas carried out.

We reached out to Peach’s Castle for comment, one of the Toad’s responded with “AGGAGA OH NO AAAAAAAA AGAHGAGA GAGA HAHAHAHA OH NO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

The Mushroom Kingdom hasn’t made any official moves yet in this inevitable, costly war, but it’s certain they will be making this move, if you follow the trail of money. We can only hope the bloodshed is minimal.

Toadette Gets Illegal Abortion, Revealing Toad(s) Cum Inside Her On The Regular

Abortion has always been an incredibly controversial political issue. The legal matters of human rights, bodily autonomy, a right to life, and consent are a messy business, and it’s natural for a diverse group with different viewpoints to see things in their own ways. Even in a population as homogeneous as the Mushroom Kingdom.

The conservative, nationalist country of the Mushroom Kingdom has long held traditional ideals, but Toads are unfortunately mortal beings with vices like the rest of us. As much as we all would love to never imagine that. Toads don’t just reproduce. They fuck. Toads fuck hard. And sometimes, when Toads fuck, there are consequences.

Toadette, resident of the Mushroom Kingdom, discovered she was pregnant recently. The pink-haired Toad civilian, unable to care for her child with her tennis career (and not too sure which Toad did the deed, they all kind of look alike), opted to end the child’s suffering before bringing them into a cruel world where they could never know the love of a real mother and father.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Abortion, which is strictly illegal in the Mushroom Kingdom because of their deeply religious beliefs, is not something readily available at your local Planned Parent Pipe. Toadette had to find some shady ass people to stick a coat hanger in her and fish out bits of Toad fetus. It wasn’t very pretty.

When Mushroom Kingdom authorities discovered the crime that’d taken place, they bounced in place and shrieked in their high-pitched, nasally voices “AGHAGGAHGAGAA OH NO AGHAHAGA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH NO AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AGAGHAGAGA”. The Mushroom Kingdom has never had the most competent law enforcement.

The leader of the Mushroom Kingdom, grand matriarch Princess Peach, was unavailable to offer a statement as she was once again missing from her castle. But the Toads we could reach out to gave us the statement “OH NO AGAHGAGA GAGA AUAUAUGAGU AHAHAHA YAHOO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH NO GAGAGA GAHAGGHAGAAGA”.

Toadette will be executed for her crimes at a future date.