Leaked E3 Document Shows Next-Gen Greater Israel With 100% Less Palestinians

We’ve all known something major was about to shake up the world of gaming for the past few years now. We could all feel it coming. There were always whispers that something was coming to blow the entire industry out of the water, and this is finally it. Nintendo is doomed.

Amid all of the leaks and announcements from the major companies, talk of next-gen consoles and killer exclusives, one party has remained unusually quiet. Israel. Ever since its launch, Israel has managed to pull a rather devoted fanbase of strongly nationalist Israelis, and a few passionate fans overseas in the United States. But they still haven’t become the global superpower we all know they could be.

These leaked documents hint that the ethnostate of Zionist Israel is planning to launch a next-generation Israel that’s even bigger and better than ever. With new American Blast Processing that can cleanse large swathes of land using droid technology, Israel can now eliminate Palestinians and other unwanted features from their lands with over 24 Jewgaflops of raw processing power. That’s more than four times the power of the Xbox One X.

If these leaks are accurate, we’re talking beyond 4K, 60FPS. We’re talking beyond VR compatible. When Digital Foundry looked into it, they discovered no evidence of Assad gassing his own people. But now, next-gen shit? Israel will be able to do Syria better than Assad ever could. Imagine an ethnostate that could gas Syrians flawlessly, in real time, without any jaggies or loading screens. That’s the kind of power we’re talking here.

There’s no official word yet, but these leaks could very well be the end of the game industry as we know it. Greater Israel has been in development for years, and it’s just about time for the world to see what the developers have been hard at work on.

BRAVE: Ice Climbers Are Poly And The Blue One Watches The Pink One Fuck Other Men

It’s Pride Month, so every company has been coming out of the woodwork to show their acceptance of gay culture. Microsoft set their Twitter icon to a rainbow Xbox logo and Sony confirmed that Crash Bandicoot is trans, leaving the ball in historically conservative Nintendo’s court.

Nintendo has never really done anything to show their acceptance of the LGBT, but with increasing pressure, they finally had to take a step in the right direction.

Smash Bros director Masahiro Sakurai confirmed that the popular Ice Climbers characters are in fact in an open, poly relationship.

The male Ice Climber Popo and his wife Nana believe in free love and open sexuality. While both love each other very much, they’re allowed to seek other relationships and fuck whoever they want.

Sakurai elaborated that while Nana, who is a total hot piece of ass, gets dicked down on the regular by absolute chads like Ganondorf, Bowser, King K. Rool, and the Wii Fit Trainer who is trans and has a massive cock, Popo does not have the same level of success.

Popo, who has not found enough women willing to fuck him casually, has been starting to question his sexuality, and has sucked the Duck Hunt Dog’s cock just once. The Duck watched. He remarked being aroused by this, but feels like he’s not gay. Lately Popo has been questioning, and may choose to identify as a pansexual trans woman.

Nintendo promises to be more committed to providing diverse and realistic depictions of LGBT characters going forward, and has promised that in the next Super Mario game, Luigi will fuck at least three Toads. Anally.