6ix9ine Testifies That Light Yagami Is Kira

Infamous rapper 6ix9ine has been snitching on everyone since his trial began, naming a number of big names like Cardi B and Trippie Redd as gang members. It seems no one has been safe from his testimony.

The latest bizarre twist? 6ix9ine, full name Daniel Hernandez, has just revealed that the infamous serial killer Kira is in fact ordinary Japanese student Light Yagami, son of the chief of police.

Investigators are going over the evidence now, but the notion seems absurd. An upstanding young student with such a bright future, capable of killing massive swaths of people without ever leaving his house? The resemblance, however, does seem uncanny.

6ix9ine, who was facing over 40 years in prison, may be looking at under a year now thanks to ratting on all of his former associates. The snitching does not seem to have any end in sight, and though the judge has said that Hernandez has named enough people, he just keeps talking.

We will keep this story updated as the trial develops.

Latest Disturbing Report Reveals Epstein Shipped Bakugo With Ochaco

The Epstein case continues to be one of the most monumental and jaw dropping of our time. Who could have expected for billionaires, politicians, and the media to all be in cahoots with one another? Who would have guessed they’d abuse their power to commit vile acts like child sex trafficking?

We were absolutely blindsided by the fact that the wealthy elite would abuse their power like that. And yet, somehow it just keeps getting worse.

As private investigators continue to comb through whatever was left of Epstein’s private pedophile island which was tragically purged of almost all evidence accidentally by the feds, the latest report back is absolutely sickening. Epstein was a huge fan of Bakugo X Ochaco.

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Records show Epstein sent and solicited Bakugo X Ochaco images and hentai to many high-profile figures and politicians, including Bill Clinton and Prince Andrew. The absolutely degenerate pairing, which makes zero sense in any context, is just the whipped cream on top Epstein’s twisted case.

Investigators on the case made the official statement “It’s not only a bad ship, it’s a nonexistent, nonsensical ship. It’s not just bad, it’s stupid. They literally interact like maybe once or twice, they have zero chemistry. Not even a hint of romantic tension. You could ship any other two characters and it would make slightly more sense, because at least then it would be two random characters instead of two random characters but one is clearly meant to be with a certain character. The only way it would make a sliver of sense is if this was some kind of weird netorare hentai thing where Bakugo just rapes Ochaco to spite Deku, but that’s absolutely degenerate.”

Luckily, the feds have decided to close the Epstein case, so we can all put this absolute nightmare behind us already and forget it ever happened.

Super Mario: “So Long, Gay Amazon Rainforest!”

Fires have been raging across the Amazon rainforest, destroying one of the most precious and important ecosystems on our planet. Experts have been calling for conservation efforts to try and save it, raising money and getting in touch with politicians. But the man in charge just will not budge on the matter.

Super Mario. He just hates forest. Can’t stand them. Doesn’t want any of them. Rain forests? Fuck them. Deciduous? Fuck them too. Coniferous? Fuck them especially. Mario fucking hates forests. And he’s burning all of them down.

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Authorities have tried to stop Mario, but he’s eluded capture and killed several members of law enforcement. Scientists fear that a doomsday scenario may be approaching, and that the forest may collapse upon itself any day now if Mario isn’t stopped.

Mario is considered armed and dangerous, and it’s urged that we all leave this to the proper authorities so that no one else is hurt. It’s imperative that we all remain calm in this situation.

At the very least, we can all rest easy knowing that the Amazon is actually burning close to average of what it usually does around fire season according to NASA reports, and the rainforest does not actually provide all of Earth’s oxygen, the ocean does.

In other news, the feds have decided to stop moving forward with the Epstein case. But that’s really not all that important.