It’s been a pretty rough year for Volition Games. Their ambitious open-world project Agents of Mayhem didn’t exactly do too well, and now this.
It seems as if, in a cruel twist of fate, Agents of Mayhem was so bad that it offended the very universe itself. Currently, at the Volition Games studio in Champaign, Illinois, every extreme of nature can currently be found. Half of the building is coated in perpetual frost. The very earth itself under the other half has split open, and a geyser of magma is new spewing forth lava and brimstone to rain down upon the tormented souls that reside in the office building.
There is a single employee lying outside with what looks like a rafter jutting through his chest, and he has been writhing in agony for at least an hour. Other employees have met similar fates, but it seems almost as if Death itself flees from them. As if they haven’t quite suffered enough yet.
Beings of pure light, blinding to set your eyes upon, have ridden down to the Earth in chariots of fire. They scorch the ground where they walk. When they open their mouths to speak, their voices boom like a grand orchestra, a harmony of many different sounds all at once. One of them kind of sounds like Kanye West.
It is a spectacle like nothing I’ve ever witnessed. We had to steer our news helicopter away for the time being, we almost got caught up in the hellish onslaught. But we stuck around long enough for one of the light beings to stomp the ground, opening up a grand chasm in the Earth. They began to spear poor interns through and hurl them into the void of nothingness below. It was honestly kinda rad, you don’t see souls being reaped like that everyday.
Though on the unfortunate side, this does kinda mean we’re never getting that Agents of Mayhem 2 we were all hoping for. What a shame.
Agents of Mayhem released August 15th, 2017, and all copies are expected to be expunged from the history of the universe by early 2018 the latest. Not sure how long it takes for them to do that, I mean they’re still riding in fucking chariots up there. You’d think they’d upgrade to like a hoverboard or something.