Nintendo Switch Is For Gaming, Not Beating Your Meat

If you were hoping to fire up the Switch’s internet browser on launch day and hit up PornHub to break it in, you’re gonna have to wait.

The latest word from Nintendo’s own president, whatever the fuck his name is, is that the Switch will be a dedicated video game platform at launch.

In an interview with some normie game journalism site, President Nintendo Man revealed that there won’t be too many non-gaming apps at launch. Netflix, Youtube, things like that aren’t a priority this time around, they’re just all working on the games instead.

Something as simple as an internet browser won’t even be one of them.

My favorite

This is a considerable downgrade from the Wii U, which had its own official PornHub support.

While it’s been stated that these apps will be added in updates after launch, it’s still a shame that I won’t be able to use my Switch the way I use my Wii U right away.

I’ll have to keep my Wii U around for porn until they patch in some decent apps, a RedTube app at least, if not XVIDEOS.

There’s a lot of potential there, though. Imagine, porn on the go or porn on the big screen. Seamlessly swapping from one to the other. You could start in your car, take it to the front porch, bang a few out in the kitchen or on the couch, take it to the bedroom and blow it up to the big screen for the big finish, then drag it to the shower with you for the after-party while you clean yourself off. This is really a revolution in fapping.

And for your information, yes, my therapist says I do have a masturbation problem. They’ve been trying to work with me to find the source of it and maybe treat it or something but I just keep going back so I can jack off in their coffee every time they leave the room.

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