These Joy-Cons Small As Fuck And Probably Won’t Make Good Sex Toys

I’ve had my Switch for about 2 days now, gotten some good playtime with it. And I have to say, the hardware is very nice so far. Screen is surprisingly good quality, you know, for a Nintendo console. Leagues ahead of the calculator display that the 3DS had.

It really is pretty seamless to go from handheld mode to TV mode. Haven’t used the other mode yet, where you can play on the little screen? I haven’t found the opportunity to do so yet. It all seems like some decent hardware, which is surprising for Nintendo. This might be their most high-end console yet. And that’s saying something. It’s a toy, but it’s a very fancy toy.

The controllers are a little tiny though. The Joy-Cons. The ones with the fancy rumble in them, the little parts that snap into the things. They’re pretty small. I don’t think they’d work very well as dildos, at least not without the vibrate cranked up.

Small

These guys are about 4 inches, so they were probably made with the Japanese market in mind. Got the average Asian length going. Joy-Cons are interchangeable though, so I can totally see them making some in larger sizes. Maybe an extra large, with some fancy bumps and shit. That’d be cool.

Not for me, though. I’m straight. Haha. Yeah, not for me. It’s for, you know. The girls. Not me. I just, you know. I was a little surprised by the size of the controllers is all. It’s like you’re playing with two little Asian penises. I knew they’d be small, but like, they’re pretty small. They feel much more comfortable in the grip that comes with the console.

I’m not some kind of computer science man, so the graphics and shit, that all looks great to me. All of the games I’ve played look very nice, there’s probably some kind of jiggaflops or something going on in that machine. Overall, very happy with it. Very good quality Nintendo toy. The cartridges are really tiny, and supposedly come in different flavors. My copy of Zelda was Buttered Popcorn-flavored, and my copy of Bomberman was Boston Cream Pie.

Caution, watch out for these

It’s been reported that the Nintendo Switch really doesn’t like aquariums, and users will experience connectivity issues if one is nearby or even mentioned. I hadn’t felt any strange connection issues personally, but I tried asking my Switch what its favorite fish was out of curiosity. It got up and smashed every window in my house, so that’s probably an issue Nintendo needs to patch.

Their choice to go with buttons instead of a classic Nintendo D-pad seems dumb to me, but I can see why they did it. That’s about my only complaint so far with the console.

I’m still getting comfy with my Switch, already dropped it once. But I can say, I like it so far. UI could use some updates and improvements, it’s pretty basic right now. Clean, easy, but basic. I think it has a lot of potential though. We’ll just have to see how well it does. I think Nintendo might have finally not fucked up, for once. Not a huge fuck up, at least. Maybe a few tiny ones here and there, but nothing that can’t be fixed.

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