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Valve Finally Announces Half-Life 3, And It's A Card Game

The wait is finally over, Valve can count to three at long last.

Lord Waffle King, published August 11th 2017

Half-Life 3 is finally happening, the long wait is over. It's been a good run, guys. A meme since 2007 according to KnowYourMeme.com. Over a decade. Incredible.

During the 2017 DotA 2 International Championship, Valve interrupted Kim Jong-un's sick pentakill in the North Korea vs. South Korea finals match to tease this ominous trailer.

There's some rocks, and like crystals or something. And it's apparently called "Artifact". It's gonna involve paying lots of microtransactions to collect cards and shit from the Steam Summer Sale, and then you battle them or something to collect the Millennium Items and win the Battle City Tournament.

But this is clearly a trailer for Half-Life 3. Any true Half-Life fan could see that. If you pay really close attention, you can see. It's all right there in the trailer. I mean just look at that logo. Three rocks? Hello?

And if that doesn't rest my case, just look at this meme.

Trololo

Clearly le interwebz agree with me on the matter. The rock has three pieces, the word Artifact is three letters, and do you know how many cards are in your standard game deck? 3. Hearts, Diamonds, and the little trees.

I don't understand why they'd make Half-Life 3 a card game though. It's not like they need money that bad. Couldn't they just make Half-Life 3 a normal game and then just charge people for hats again?

This is a giant missed opportunity on Valve's part. Unless they're planning to also sell hats for the cards. That come in crates. Which can be auctioned off on children's gambling websites.

Artifact is coming sometime in 2018, and you can now follow them on Twitter. Or, alternatively, follow @lordwaffleking on Twitter. The choice is yours.