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White People Are Appropriating The Middle Ages Now Too

That's funny, last time I checked they didn't eat ice with ranch dressing in medieval times.

Lord Waffle King, published October 16th 2017

White supremacy is prevalent in everything we consume these days, from books and movies to Culver's, the American Midwest's favorite casual restaurant chain. Nothing like butter, cheese, and mayonnaise to wash down the pride of the indigenous peoples of our fair planet.

But video games especially have been a driving force for ethnic cleansing, ever since the days of the arcade, when Pac-Man clashed with the colored, multicultural ghosts. Eating their food, stealing their land, murdering and cannibalizing their people, and refusing to mix races with them, instead opting to marry and reproduce within his own kind. Don't tell me for a second that Ms. Pac-Man is anywhere close to Pinky. You've just been indoctrinated to see the Pac standards of beauty.

So it's not even a surprise for anyone when Ubisoft pumps out "White People: The Fighting Game, featuring the Japs from the Devil May Cry series".

Wypipo at it again

For Honor is pretty much that, for the Xbox One, PS4, and PC. A game made by white people, for white people. Ubisoft is a French company, so you'd think they'd have learned by now. How many trucks will it take to get the point across? It's like they never learn.

And you Japanese people, don't think you're excused. You're just as bad, with your Asian privilege. Always good at math and shit. You're just as bad. The only way to level the playing field is if all Asian people leave their brains to the less fortunate after they die. Leave your brains to us when you die, leave your math books to us when you die. And if you get a scholarship to some fancy university? Give up that scholarship to me. You're just gonna build a supercomputer and win a million dollars playing League of Legends or whatever it is you do anyway, with you and your Asian privilege ways. We're not truly equal until I, too, can play every instrument at the age of 6 or draw really bomb-ass hentai.

White people and Asians just go hand in hand, don't they? With their privilege and conquering other lands. That's all For Honor is about. It really should be classified as a hate symbol, for all its toxic glorifying of nationalism. It's like literally begging for all the racists of the internet to come play it. Good thing the game wasn't any better, or else it could've literally started World War III.

Damn white privilege

For Honor is an interesting hybrid kind of game. One part fighting game, one part Dynasty Warriors hack-and-slash, and one part generic AAA online multiplayer microtransaction machine game. Taking place in the Middle Ages, three factions are at eternal war to gain total control over Whole Foods. After Debra told off Heather at the ugly sweater party, Heather told Linda that her son Tanner was gonna ditch their family camp-out to listen to that danged heavy metal music with his friends from the university's lacrosse team. But when she went to take away his iPod, he told her that her ex-husband Greg was gonna be volunteering at the pumpkin patch. After that, all hell had broken lose over the many kingdoms. You will need to choose your allegiances wisely, and cut down all whom stand in your way.

And For Honor delivers pretty well on that premise. Medieval warfare, knights, vikings, samurai, it's all in there. Every white person that's ever argued over who would win in a fight, a knight or a samurai, can look no further. The answer is right here. The gameplay is fairly solid, and the mechanics are well-executed. It's fun to cut through a bunch of foot soldiers, run up to the enemy commander, and kick them off a ledge like that one meme from 2006. There's something of a campaign to fight through, and a number of multiplayer modes.

But all of that doesn't save For Honor from its most underlying flaws. It's all so samey, and the game suffers from a lack of balance. After a few matches, it'll start to feel like you've pretty much seen everything worth seeing. And the game doesn't seem to be designed for group play. 1 on 1 fights are always pretty entertaining, but as soon as a group is involved, it devolves into a fight of ganging up on players and running away. A fitting undoing for a game made for white people.

And the Japs, always on about their culture, why can't they stop caring so much about your culture and accept everyone else's

For Honor isn't a bad game, not by a long shot. The fighting game-like mechanics are great, and the game feels fun at its best points. The real problem is just the lack of polish and balance, something that could easily be fixed by dedicated updates, patches, and content. But this is also Ubisoft we're talking about here. When have they ever done that? Or a better question, when have they ever done that well?

What it really boils down to is yet another half-baked multiplayer diversion. The strategic, well-designed combat system and the promising concept are sloppily propped up on Ubisoft's typical planned obsolescence. Yet another online multiplayer game for you to purchase, grind, buy DLC and microtransactions, and then dump for the next of its kind. There are definitely places where a touch of effort could've added to the game's longevity, and yet the solution is never a fundamental fix, but a little Scooby-Doo bandage.

Like all of the repetitive new characters they added. Why are they all white people? Are you telling me only white people fought in the Middle Ages? I'll clue you in here, they didn't. Where are the Aboriginal Australian knights? Don't pretend like they're not in the history books, with their dark skin and bright, shining armor, brandishing massive boomerangs of silver and gold. We need our proud Australian heritage represented, and we need it now.

Newsflash, white people. The Middle Ages don't belong to you. There were Islamic samurai and Latino vikings. Stop trying to erase our beautiful diversity, and stop appropriating our culture with your shitty computer games.

I guess we'll just have to wait for For Honor 2, when Ubisoft finally gives us the ability to play as the proud Indian superpowers we want. Maybe then, it'll actually be something worth playing for more than a week.