Tag Archives: nintendo

Nintendo Announces Paid Premium Subscription To Restore All Cut Pokémon From Sword And Shield

When Nintendo first announced Pokémon Sword and Shield, they were met with mixed reactions. A lot of things were changing, and not all of them seemed to be for the better. Less Pokémon, less content, seemingly the same level of graphics we’d grown to expect from a 3DS game, something just wasn’t adding up.

But there’s no longer a need to worry, Game Freak and Nintendo have just dropped some major news. All of the things they fucked up on, it’ll all be fixed as long as you pay for their new monthly premium Pokémon experience.

With the newly announced Pokémon Master Pass, players will be able to capture, train, and battle all 890+ Pokémon in the National Dex, as well as access a number of other features only available to Master Pass owners.

“We realize that many Pokémon fans are unhappy with the current experience. However, please understand that designing and animating over one thousand different models is extremely time-consuming. But with this new paid premium membership, we will be able to afford the coke and prostitutes necessary to keep studio morale up in order to make our vision possible. Please understand” Junichi Masuda, producer of Sword and Shield, told us in an exclusive interview.

While the primary benefit of unlocking the National Dex seems to be the main pull, many other quality of life additions will be made, including offering higher resolution textures, and being taken off of the government watch list for jerking off to cartoon children.

The Master Pass will be released early Spring 2020, just in time to keep you busy until the next game is announced and rushed through production for next year’s holiday season.

Nintendo: Captain Falcon Is Bill From King Of The Hill, No New Game Coming

Out of all of Nintendo’s many franchises, one of the most requested that’s been out of the picture for quite a while is F-Zero. There’s been nothing but cameos and guest appearances for the star, Captain Falcon.

Today, Nintendo confirmed that the reason for this is because Captain Falcon is Bill Dauterive from King of the Hill. This important story development can’t be addressed however, because they do not have the rights to King of the Hill.

Nintendo lost the rights to King of the Hill when Microsoft acquired Rare in 2002, which threw a wrench in the narrative of the F-Zero series.

Captain Falcon will unmask himself as Bill after the events of the last F-Zero title, but this development in the story has been put on hold indefinitely.

Miyamoto has gone on record saying that he refuses to budge on this, and is not willing to change the F-Zero lore to accommodate this.

F-Zero has been shelved, seemingly forever, and will probably not get another installment unless Nintendo reacquires the rights to King of the Hill, or works out some kind of licensing deal.